Room Service In Little Rock
Fucking a chick at her workplace has always been a pretty big fantasy of mine. Ever since I was about 15 I can remember going to the doctor and fantasizing about the nurse showing up in some hoe-ish trashy, slutty nursing uniform complete with hat and stilettos and having her way with my little 15-year-old penis. Or going into the principal’s office and being disciplined with a long, hot, steamy blow job session. The sad part is I really thought shit like this could happen to me. I thought it was all just a matter of time until I got pulled over by a hot lady cop and she gave me the ultimatum to either fuck her right there on the side of the car or go to jail. I guess this is just what hours of nonstop porn does to a young mind. Although it took me until I was 25 and things didn’t happen quite like I pictured they would when I was 15, but it did finally happen and it was well worth writing about.
While working at my current job (don’t ask me what it is) I had the opportunity to travel around the entire country. I’m probably one of very few people that has spent the night in just about every state – other than the really gay ones like Montana, Vermont and both Dakotas. I call those the gay states not because they have a thriving gay population, but because I hardly remember that they are even states half the time.
Anyways, one week my job had sent me to Little Rock, Arkansas for three days. I wasn’t particularly happy when I saw this on my schedule. I mean, who wants to go to Arkansas? The first thing that popped into my mind was “damn, I’m going to the inbred capital of the world”. All I could think about was toothless hillbillies and John Deer trucker hats. This wasn’t gonna be fun. I thought that I would probably have a better chance catching Swine Flu then I would actually having fun, let alone getting laid in this hick town, but I had to make the best of it.
I arrived in Arkansas on Friday morning. Caught the shuttle to the hotel, which was actually a pretty nice hotel compared to the roach infested shit holes I am usually forced to stay in. It was a Laquinta right in the heart of downtown. I didn’t have to work until the next morning so I began my usual traveling regime:(In no particular order) food, gym, alcohol, get laid (or at least try) and sleep .
I went down to the gym and did a thirty-minute workout, which basically consisted of me laying on the bench press watching CNN. Then I walked to the gas station, got a 12 pack of Miller Light. I then stopped at McDonalds and ate two Double Cheese Burgers with no pickles and no onions, and a McChicken with cheese and no lettuce. (I got a thing against vegetables that “crunch” when you bite into them….seriously) I cracked open one of my beers to have with my burgers, and about half way through my beer I was approached by the McDonalds manager who told me that I was not allowed to drink in the lobby. I asked why and she stated that the other guests were upset because I was drinking in front of children. Yeah God forbid I offend someone in such a classy establishment like McFuckingdonalds! But being the gentleman I am, I went and purchased a large drink, I poured my remaining half of beer as well as a full beer into the cup, stuck a straw in it and sucked it down as if it was Coke. Check Mate Bitches!
After getting the stink-eye for the next thirty minutes from the manager as well as the family sitting across from me, I felt like it was time for me to depart. I took my beer, walked back to the hotel and jumped on craigslist and other various hook-up sites to look for potential pussy. After about an hour and ten beers of prowling around online, I got bored and my appetite for sex had grown dramatically. I only really had two options, get a hooker and stiff her on the bill because I was broke, in which case her pimp would show up and beat my ass. Or, go out and find me some redneck Arkansas pussy in downtown Arkansas. I went with option B.
Heavily buzzed from the 12 pack of Miller, I got dressed and made my way down stairs. I started walking down the street further into downtown and I was shocked. To my surprise, downtown Little Rock, Arkansas on a Friday night looked like the Million Man March collided with the Martin Luther King Jr. Day Parade. I don’t remember spotting not one white person. I don’t even remember spotting one black person for that matter, it was all just Niggas and Niggets. For those of you who don’t know the difference between Black People and Niggas, I’ll explain. See, a Black person will break into your house, take everything you own and you’ll never see them or your stuff again. A Nigga, on the other hand, will break into your house take everything you own and try and sell it back to you three days later like it never happened.
Now me, I’m just a regular old black guy, hints the name iBlackguy. However I do know how to handle myself around all types of Niggas being from Detroit and all. Hood Niggas, Sneaky Niggas, Broke Niggas and Rich Niggas. All I’m pretty much familiar with. However in Little Rock, I was exposed to a new kinda Nigga, The Country Nigga. The Chevy on 24′s driving, gold tooth havin’, jeans saggin’, extra blue-black ass Country Niggas. I swear every single one of those motherfuckers looked like Lil’ Boosie.
I have no idea what was going on that night but it was easily 200-300 Niggas hanging out on each side of the street just chillin. Then hear comes my drunk ass stumbling down the street, in my Levi’s, Polo and Sperry’s. Saying “hi” to everybody I passed, partly because I was drunk and partly because I wanted to be polite. I wasn’t even sure I would make it through without being robbed or punched, but I was horny so kept on trucking.
Eventually I made it to a bar, and just as I suspected, it was full of Country Niggas. At first I was getting dirty looks by all the Niggas and Niggets. Then after I got a few beers in me I found myself at a table full of Country Niggas and Hoodrats telling them the “For the Love Of Tacos” story and them crying their eyes out in laughter. I told them I was trying to get laid and they were more than willing to help. I was too drunk to remember exactly what happened next. Though I do remember them driving me around downtown Little Rock, trying to hook me up with various random woman and all of them declining to sleep with me. (Stuck up bitches) I also remember telling them I had to throw up and them pulling over at my hotel.
The next thing I remember was waking up on the bench right outside the Laquinta main entrance. It was about 3am at this time. I’m not sure exactly how long I had been on this bench, or why hotel security even let me stay on the bench, but when I woke up I was still very intoxicated and horny.
I try and head into the hotel but the doors are locked. I look for my room key to open up the doors and it isn’t there. I grab my back pocket hoping to feel my wallet, it’s not there either. Awww shit these Country Niggas robbed me! I knock on the doors until the lady at the front desk lets me in. I had no room key no wallet and no ID, it was going to be hell trying to get back into my room. I have locked myself out of hotel rooms plenty of times and most hotels require a least a photo ID to regain access. So I had to come up with a plan.
I started flirting with the front desk clerk, in hopes that she will forget to ID me and just give me a new key to my room. I told her how cute she was. She showed me pictures of her kids, I told her how cute they were. I told her that her hair was pretty. Ect ect.
I wish I could tell you if any of this was actually true. I still really have no recollection of what she looked liked, other than the fact that she was brown-skinned, slightly overweight and somewhere between 35 and 40. It’s probably best I don’t remember if she was cute or not because just my luck she probably looked like a gargoyle. Anyhow, she was eating all the compliments up.
Then I finally went for it. I asked her for another key to room 1213. After a long pause and suspicious look she started typing on her computer. She asked me my last name to confirm that it was in fact my room, then handed me the key. Whew a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders. On my way up the elevator I was already planning the masturbation marathon I was gonna partake in once I was safely in my room. As I opened up the paper jacket that was holding my key I noticed some writing on the inside.
It read:
Marcus…At 4:30am call the front desk and ask for extra towels.
-Lydia
Being that I was still pretty drunk, I really didn’t know what to make of it but I thought what the hell, this can’t hurt. I started taking my clothes off getting ready to shower, when I noticed my wallet and room key were stuffed in my fucking sock the whole time. Apparently I was trying to think ahead of all the Country Niggas and at some point during the night I hid all of my shit in my sock just in case I got jacked or something. I never felt more smart and stupid at the same time in my life.
When I got out the shower it was just about 4:30 so I made the call to the front desk. A guy answered the phone and I did just as the note said and asked for some extra towels in room 1213 and hung up. At this point I’m sitting on my bed in my boxers waiting for a guy to bring me some towels that I don’t even need. There’s a knock on the door, I open it up and in walks Lydia with a handful of towels.
Lydia: Take me!
Me: Take you where?
Lydia: Fuck me!
Me:…..What the fuck…..
Lydia: Look, they think I am only bringing you towels so it will have to be quick.
Me:…..
I am still standing at the door dumbfounded. I really didn’t even know what to make of it, until she dropped her pants, then panties and bent over my bed waiting for me to come and fuck her. “HURRY” she whispered. I hesitated for a second but before I knew it, I was ass-cheeks deep in desk clerk’s vagina, fucking her fast and furiously. I fucked her like a jackrabbit until I came, about four minutes after I had begun. It has always been a fantasy of mine to have sex with a hotel cleaning lady and even though she wasn’t the cleaning lady, this definitely filled that void. So I’m surprised I even lasted four minutes. When I was done she didn’t go to the bathroom and clean up, or small talk with me afterwards. She simply pulled up her pants and panties, said thank you and walked out. I couldn’t help but to think what a fucking whore.
Posted on July 2nd, 2012 by iBlackguy | No Comments »iBlackguy Is Back
Much thanks to my homegirl and new editor Annie who got me off my ass and writing stories again. Finally iBlackguy.com is back in motion. I took a break for a while to get the radio show (iBlackguy Radio) up and running, now that that its together and thriving with 3K downloads to date, I plan to keep writing new stories and rants monthly. The stories wont be shitty as usual, they will be edited by Annie Malka from now on. Who is my hot new editor that I desperately want to fuck but probably wont happen any time soon.
Anyways I’ve posted my new story, I Fucked A Follower. This story is about the first Twitter follower I ever hooked up with. Hope you enjoy!
Posted on June 12th, 2012 by iBlackguy | No Comments »I Fucked A Follower
After starting iBlackguy.com, I began to get a lot more twitter followers. I wasn’t ever really into twitter too much because I thought it was rather pointless. I couldn’t figure out what the fuck a hashtag or a retweet was for the life of me. So I shelved my twitter account and said fuck it. That is until I realized how lucrative twitter was as a marketing tool to drive readers to my site. So obviously I eventually became a twitter whore. It was a way to broadcast my dysfunctional views and thoughts out to the world. At the same time it created a bit of a buzz for my site, so twitter became my best friend.
I would get a few tweets here and there from people who read my blog and they either loved or hated it. Mostly the tweets were from people who loved it though. Except for a small percentage of fat ugly boogerwolf bitches that thought I was a scumbag for exploiting woman and thinking the way that I do. However I really didn’t care, it’s not my fault you’re fat and ugly and will probably kill yourself before you reach 30. That’s something you have to take up with God.
Anyways, every so often I would get responses from chicks. Chicks that were really interested in me and my blog. Most of the time we’d chat for a while and/until I’d say something disrespectful or stupid and they would unfollow me and never talk to me again. I’m not exactly sure what they expected from me or why they would be interested in a lost would like me huh?, but hey woman do stupider shit all the time so I’m really not too surprised.
After my twitter and site had been up and rolling for a while I was approached by a follower on twitter. We’ll just call her Lucy. Lucy was a white chick from Kansas City, Missouri. She was slightly overweight, 24 (I think), blonde hair, not great looking but not horribly ugly. She had huge tits and a really cool personality. I would ask her to send me nudes and get on Skype and strip for me and other random shit to turn me on. Like a trusted white friend she did whatever I asked. She even owned a big black dildo that she would sodomize on webcam for my pleasure. She would do all this even though she had a full-time boyfriend. Yup, I guess the Clark Bar is just too irresistible.
She eventually invited me out for the weekend to visit. I told her the only way I would come out there is if she does 3 things:
Buy all my alcohol for the weekend
Buy all my food for the weekend
And let me fuck her in the ass
She agreed to all three and I was on my way to KC.
Posted on June 12th, 2012 by iBlackguy | 6 Comments »I’m Just Sayin’: WNBA
Whyyyyyyy? Why does this shit exist? And not only does it exist they actually play this shit on national TV. Why is that legal? Don’t we have to deal with enough bullshit on TV? Like Glen Beck, infomercials, Jersey Shore and telethon’s just to name a few? I guess not, because every year (I have no idea, nor do I care when WNBA season starts) I have to watch six feet tall sweaty manly lesbians in shorts, run up and down the court for two hours.
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Granny Gets It
Okay, first of all let me start off by saying I am not proud of this story at all. I am very ashamed of it in fact. Not because I feel guilty, but because the lady in the story is so horrible looking and old I am ashamed to say I stuck my dick in her. If I was from an Arab nation I’m pretty sure I would be sentenced to a “Dick Stoning” until I am no longer physically able to get erect. Although, in my defense, there was some logic behind my decision to do a granny.
I figured fucking an old lady has to be just like like fucking a virgin. I figured that a lady her age couldn’t possibly find another senior citizen willing to fuck her. Therefore; her pussy had to have “snap backed” over the years and was now equally as tight as a virgins. Now that I look back, that might be the single most dumbest theory anybody in the entire world has ever come up with. Not only that, but it was so far from reality.
So, I’m doing my phone chat thing one night as usual and a lady actually hits me up first which is unusual. Given that the last time a chick hit me up first on phone chat it was a tranny that I nearly met up with, this time I proceeded with caution. The first thing I did was confirm that she was in fact a woman and had a vagina. This was all the confirmation I needed!
We talked a little while on the phone mostly about freaky sex and shit. Not to many personal details were exchanged other than our names and what side of town we lived on. When it came to revealing our age I told her how old I was, and she told me she was “older.” I didn’t want to press the issue because I didn’t want to fuck up a possibly good fuck, so I didn’t enquire for a more detailed response. After talking for a while she invited me over. Knowing that she was guaranteed to have a vagina and given my dicks addiction to warm moist environments, I was all over it.
When I arrived at her house, she stayed in a half way decent neighborhood. (This is actually an oxymoron because Detroit doesn’t have any half way decent neighborhoods, but I’m sure you get my point.) I knew this because I had circled the block a few times, because pussy usually just doesn’t fall into my lap at two am. So I had to make sure it wasn’t a set up and I wasn’t gonna get jacked as soon as I stepped out the car. Also to make sure I wasn’t on Dateline NBC’s To Catch a Predator, Senior Citizen Edition.
Posted on November 3rd, 2011 by iBlackguy | 1 Comment »The Mystery Smell
This story goes back some years, when I was barely in High School and still a somewhat decent individual. This is arguably the hook up that took me from normal functioning upstanding citizen, to the pervert, weirdo, standard-less pathetic mother-fucker I am today. When I look back on this story it makes me see how weak of a man I actually was at an early age.
When I was about fifteen my cousin and I took a trip to Cleveland Ohio. My brother was attending college there , it was a boring summer for my cousin and I, so we packed up our shit and hitched a Greyhound headed to Cleveland, Ohio. I don’t know if you ever taken a Greyhound anywhere, but if you haven’t take my advice and splurge on a plane ticket. The Greyhound is sorta like a thirty two foot long mobile county jail. Everybody either looks like a thug, pedophile or suicide bomber. There is one community bathroom that gets dumped every other stop. The people sometimes have been riding the bus for days without showering. Majority of the trip, the bus smells like the inside of a colostomy bag. You’re almost guaranteed to see a fight on board and the saying “If you move your feet you lose your seat”. Anyways this story has nothing to do with the Greyhound. So moving right along…
When we got to Cleveland me and my cousin anticipated a relaxing weekend of playing video games, eating pizza and staying up late. However this was not the case. Upon arrival at my brothers shitty East Cleveland low budget apartment building we were immediately forced to drink beer and our penis sizes were challenged… I mean that literally. So you could imagine what kind of weekend this was going to be. We got to meet all of my brothers friends which consisted of Russell: An unemployed, alcoholic, pop-locker. Johnny: An out of shape wanna be WWE wrestler. Sticks: Possibly one of the ugliest people you will ever meet in life, but promising basketball player. Lastly, Gibbs: just as ugly as sticks but with a dash of down syndrome. Between the five of them, my whole weekend there, there was only one piece of ass to stroll through that apartment and she was my brothers stalker. She was clearly an underage retard but would have sucked the veins out of my brothers dick if he asked. I was not impressed at all though, I still had standards at the time. I wouldn’t have fucked her with Bin Laden’s dick double bagged.
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I’m Just Sayin’: The Duckface
Whoever told you that puckering your lips up just before snapping a photo was a hot look, obviously played a horrible joke on you. Sadly this horrible joke has apparently been played over and over again and has since been engraved in the subconscious of young woman every where. For some odd reason they actually think it’s hot and will now subconsciously make this face when posing for photos. This face is known as ‘The Duckface’
I’m Just Sayin’: Skinny Jeans
I’m just sayin, I don’t care who you are, how much money you got, or how “swagged” out you are, this shit is totally unacceptable.
How do you allow this shit to happen? I imagine getting in these pants is similar to trying to push a football through a water hose.
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I’m Just Sayin’: Eyebrows
I not sure I will ever grasp the concept of this. But for some fucked up reason woman think it’s ok to shave off both of their eyebrows then reapply them with a colored pencil. Yup, reapply them with a colored pencil. A COLORED PENCIL!.
I wish I could find the bitch that made this shit popular. simply to shake her hand. Because Read the rest of this entry »
I’m Just Sayin’: Plan B Pill
The Plan B pill aka The Morning After Pill or as I like to call it The Baby Vaporizer or Abortion in a bottle. But what ever you like to call it I’m pretty sure we can agree that it’s magical. Who ever invented this shit deserves a Nobel Prize, or at least 40 virgins and a tub of lube. Before this pill existed plan B for me consisted of a 7-8 month wait and purposely kicking my pregnant girlfriend down a flight of stairs, then it was bye bye baby. Read the rest of this entry »
I’m Just Sayin’: Muslims
Ok I realize that all Muslims aren’t terrorist..I think. But everybody wasn’t a child genius like myself. Meaning tons of people associate all Muslims with terrorism. But can you really blame them. I mean it’s 120 degrees outside and you show up to an airport with your wife dressed like a Jedi Ninja in all black with nothing visible but her ankles and eyeballs. Like so:
Which, I might add has a very strong resemblance to this:
I’m just sayin
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My Happy Ending
One day of sitting around playing Xbox with a friend of mine, he told me one of the sweetest things I had ever heard in my life! He told me that you could go to your local massage school and get rubbed down by a hot eighteen year old high school drop out, for practically nothing. For only twenty five bucks an hour. I could get a chick that wouldn’t dare fuck me in a million years to rub me down for basically two dollars a minute. At first, I was a little pissed that he would hold back such lucrative information from me for so long, because he had been already going for months. However, I quickly got over it and I wanted to go, BAD. We talked a while longer about it until the subject of happy endings came up. I was totally clueless about the situation. I thought happy endings were standard when giving a paid massage. Apparently I was completely wrong. Apparently the little eighteen year old slut that will more than likely end up giving happy endings after she graduates, dose not give happy endings now. What the fuck? My mood took a 360. Mentally, I went from second base with Beyonce. To anal fisting the fat bitch from the movie Precious. I seen no point what so ever in paying a bitch to rub every part of my body except my penis. That was like buying a taco with no meat or a Twinkie with no cream filling. It was like buying a hooker That didn’t swallow. This shit was preposterous, and to think my friend had been participating in this for months. I was shocked and appalled. After several minutes of debating the relevance of non-sexual massages we agreed on one thing. We agreed we were gonna find us a happy ending.
We had never done anything like this before, so we really had no clue where to begin. It was still morning though, so I went back to my place to wait for a more appropriate hour for a happy ending, also to do a little research on where to even find such place. A few hours later we met back up and compared ideas. There were plenty of chicks with online ads for a mobile masseuse. Meaning they would come to your house and massage you. It was so hard to distinguish the shady girls from the legit girls so we scratched that plan. There were also some big chain massage places that were obviously a no go. So we ended up settling for one of the many oriental hole in the walls around the city. At first we started calling around to various oriental massage parlors asking them “ Do you do happy endings and if so how much? ” After getting hung up on several times we realized happy endings were illegal. They just can’t admit that they do happy endings over the phone, that would be just stupid. That’s like a hooker with a business card. It was too incriminating. So we had to do this face to face.
Posted on September 13th, 2011 by iBlackguy | 1 Comment »Ginger Babyface
Male or female whoever created the blowjob deserves a fucking Nobel Prize or something. They are obviously a genius. Personally, I think it had to be a male that started it all. I bet it was some horny caveman that got tired of fucking his wife’s dry Brillo Pad pussy and decided to stick his dick in the moistest place possible. A true pioneer. Then again it could have been discovered by a blind fat chick with a strong appetite for beef jerky. Who knows? Nevertheless whoever discovered it needs the recognition that they deserve. Fuck, George Washington put that motherfucker on the dollar bill! Or maybe chisel his face onto Mt. Rushmore. Without blowjobs there would be a ton of more pregnancy each year. Which means we would have a ton of more retards walking the planet. Some babies just need to be swallowed it’s for the greater good. Most importantly without blowjobs I wouldn’t be able to bring you this story.
My very first job I worked at a pizza joint. It was a fun job, I worked there with three or four of my friends and we would spend most of the day talking shit, getting high in the back alley then eating as much pizza as our teenage bodies could handle. Most of the employees were young people, but there were some older folks there too, mainly managers to keep us inline. Most of the managers were pretty cool, even had one that would go out back and get high with us from time to time.
This was not the case with our General Manager Ginger. Ginger was one strict mean bitch. She was only about five feet tall and in her mid fifties. Kind of heavy but nicely proportioned due to her huge titties and ghetto booty. She wore her pants as high as possible only about an inch below her boobs, this made her already huge tits look even bigger. Ginger was also the definition of redneck. She had a very thick accent almost to the point where you thought she was speaking a different language when she talked. Her hair was so big she looked like she just stepped off the set of the musical “Hair Spray”. As I said before she was a strict mean bitch. When she came around you better pretend like you’re working, have your shirt tucked in and a big gov’ment cheese smile on your face at all times. If not you were almost certainly subject to some odd job like cleaning the toilets, or washing the dishes. There were many times I contemplated shoving her old ass through the oven, for making me do some stupid shit. Everybody I worked with including myself thought she was a racist. Just hearing her talk you would assume she used the n-word over fifty times a day and refused to eat Uncle Bens rice just because he was black. One day my whole perception of this redneck big haired bitch would change.
Posted on August 31st, 2011 by iBlackguy | No Comments »Im Still Here!!
Been traveling and drinking way to much this month first Myrtle Beach then Dublin now I’m just getting back from Vegas. I’m taking a break on the trips mainly because I am poor now.
I lost my iPad in Vegas so its back to typing on the iPhone. Unless somebody else wants to donate me an iPad again. But anyways I’ll have a new story up soon until then catch me on Twitter!
Dublin better be ready for iBlackguy
iBlackguy is on his way to Dublin, Ireland!!! and so far me and my traveling companion are the only black ppl on the whole plane! But at least we got the whole first class to our selves. Hopefully I’ll return with an epic Irish pub story but until then peace out bitches!
*UPDATE
The Flight
The 7 hour flight was good, until the served me this tiny ass appetizer of cold beef the size of lunchable bologna. Before I got my dry ass filet migon (will post pics later). Good thing I bought me some BoJangles onboard with me so I didn’t starve. Yes, I was sitting in first class, on a huge ass Boeing 757, with a package of hot sauce in one hand, a chicken leg in the other, and the remaining 3 piece with a biscuit on my tray table. With the flight attendants staring at me the whole time like “we should have neva gave u niggas money.” and I’m staring right back at them with chicken grease all over my face like “you damn right you shouldn’t have”.
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For The Love Of Tacos
During one of the brief times that I was actually in a serious relationship, I dated a Hispanic girl. In my opinion she was way out of my league. A lot better looking than me, way smarter than me and she had good credit, so naturally I couldn’t compete. She was so good-looking when we would go out people would assume I was her brother (I know what your thinking and yes, she was a dark-skinned Hispanic). We got to be very close to each other she was a good girl and no hoeish tendencies as far as I could see, so things were good. One night we decided to go out to On The Boarder.
On The Boarder is basically your average franchised two star restaurant. Much like Applebees or Chili’s. When we arrived much to my surprise it was, eat a shit load of tacos for a really cheap night. Now I really don’t care for the Mexican people that much, with the exception of George Lopez and the guy who created Taco Bell. However, when it comes to Mexican food I get overly excited, like R.Kelly at Jonas Brothers concert. There’s only one food I like better and that’s Italian and depending on my mood even that’s negotiable. So when I seen how cheap the tacos were I couldn’t control myself. I had chicken tacos, beef tacos, pork tacos, all smothered in queso, sour cream, and jalapeño with the hottest salsa they served. I even think I tried a fish taco, but those are for metro-sexuals. I ate so many damn tacos, by the time we left I felt like I was half Mexican, minus the nice straight hair and fucked up accent.
As we got into the car I felt stuffed but satisfied. It felt as if you would have touched my stomach, I would have exploded. About five minutes into the twenty five minute ride, something isn’t right. My stomach starts to make a loud growling noise. I glance over at my date with a smile, and she smiles back. OKAY, good I don’t think she heard anything. Seven minutes into the ride, GRRRRFFFFFPHHH!!, there it goes again. This time it was really loud and intense. I swear I thought I felt mine spine vibrate. I look over at my date again and I couldn’t hide this rumble. So I simply smiled held my stomach and said “Whew must have eaten too much” in a playful tone. At this point I already knew what was happening.
Posted on August 2nd, 2011 by iBlackguy | 3 Comments »New E-mail Updates
If you want to keep up with iBlackguy.com stories without having to visit the site daily sign up for the e-mail alerts. Every time a new story is added you’ll receive an e-mail. NO SPAM I PROMISE!
*UPDATE*
Some of you mentioned you can’t see the subscribe section on the mobile theme or iPad theme. If you’re using either of those themes just EMAIL ME with the address you want added and I will take care of it for you.
The Teacher Quest 2: Mrs.Rice
So a few weeks later, after my fucked up fantasy gone wrong with Ms.Dry Hump (aka Ms. Booth), I was back on the saddle. I started basically stalking the other teacher that showed me interest. Every time her username would pop online I would immediately click on it to IM her. Having had a small yet disappointing taste of would if would be like to fuck a teacher I was more eager than ever to bury my dick in some educated cougar pussy. I did everything but look her up in the phone book, wait at her house for school to let out then greet her at her car door with chocolates and roses. The sad part is I am not kidding. She never told me what school she worked at which is a good thing because there’s no doubt in my mind that I would have staked that bitch out.She too wasn’t a high school teacher but she wasn’t a glorified babysitter either. She taught middle school, 7th and 8th grade. Which suited my fantasy.
Like Ms. Booth and I, Mrs. Rice and I talked online often but brief. But when we did talk it was always about sex. Mrs.Rice was very freaky and into kinky shit. She once told me she was a dominatrix and she was master to about a half-dozen submissive male teachers in the area. She said they liked anything from being whipped, to being kicked in the nuts repeatedly, to being humiliated and she loved every minute of it. This was never confirmed, but after seeing her place, I totally believed it. So you can just imagine what kind of freak she was. But this didn’t faze me one bit, she knew I only wanted the thrill of fucking a teacher not any of that extra kinky shit. So after while my stalking finally paid off and Mrs. Rice was ready to meet. She invited me over to her apartment in the city for an early dinner. Teacher sex and dinner, how could I decline.
I arrived at her place which was only a 25 minute ride from mines, so she already had that bitch Ms. Booth beat. Before I even got all the way up to her apartment I could smell the neck bones, greens, mac n cheese and cornbread cooking. Mmm mmm, my mouth was watering and my dick was dancing. She opens the door and immediately I’m hit by the smell of Thanksgiving. Which was odd because Thanksgiving was no where insight. I stepped in the apartment and it was decorated “normal” I guess, nothing that really said “I’m a teacher” though. I’m not really sure how an apartment could say “I’m a teacher” maybe I just expected to see a big ass chalk board in her living room, I don’t know. This was my first time seeing Mrs. Rice and I must say compared to what my last teacher hook up looked like I was pleased.
She was an older brown-skinned lady probably early 40′s. Kinda reminded me of the mom off the show Sister Sister. She was very busty and a mixture of thick and chubby, but I was feeling it. I can tell she took pride in her appearance. She had very nicely done make-up, red lipstick and her hair was done in sort of low maintenance teacher style bob. She had on some shorts and a T-shirt the kind of shit you would expect a Mexican to be wear after they’re caught sneaking across the border. But I assumed this was her cooking-wear. She was very happy to see me as if I was her first human contact in days. Before I even got in the door she had given me a big hug and planted a kiss on my cheek. I was feeling the love and even though things weren’t perfect she still had this teacher swagger about her.
She invited me in and told me to get ready to eat. I cleverly replied “eat who” she didn’t get it. Teachers are so dumb. As we walked toward the kitchen I notice she is using a cane and has some crazy stupid gimp in her step. She looked to be in good health for her age I just couldn’t figure out why she had this damn limp. It didn’t look like she was born with one of those cripple legs. You know, the one that looks like it got run over as a child, so know it only has 30% strength and works 80% of them time. Neither did it look like one of those mini-legs, that are about 4 inches shorter than its counterpart. So I didn’t know what to make of it. But I had to be careful. I didn’t wanna fuck this up. Even though she had a cane and a stupid-dumb walk, she was still a teacher and I still planned to penetrate her as such. So I had to wait for the right moment to ask. Five minutes go by and this shit is eating me alive. She hasn’t even fixed my plate yet and I am dying to inquire about this monopoly man cane. Three more minutes go by and I’m beginning to get a little angry. The food is great, but I’m just getting a little rattled about this fucking cane. I mean, when you have to get around with the help of a fucking cane that’s something you should disclose before you blindly meet someone. It probably wouldn’t have altered my decision to fuck. But it’s common fucking courtesy! Suppose I came rolling up to her door in a fucking wheelchair. How would she feel? Pretty shitty I bet. I can’t even enjoy my meal because of this cane! She’s blabbing at me over dinner about who knows what but I cannot even listen because of this cane!!! Fuck it, I can’t take it anymore. I had to do it!. I drop my knife and fork on the plate and look up at her:
Me: The cane.
Mrs.R: Huh? (she looks confused)
Me: The cane. What is the cane for.
At this point I am coming off a bit rude and disrespectful, which is a bad idea to do with Mrs.Rice. Even though she has to walk with a cane, she is still the type of black woman who won’t take shit from nobody and would likely beat my ass over the head with the cane, if I got to far out of line. Something tells me this is the reason that she has been separated from her husband for years.
Mrs.R: Oh didn’t I tell you? I fell in the classroom and tore my knee.
Me: Oh wow are you alright? When was this?
Mrs.R: Oh yeah Im fine now, this happened a little over 4 years ago.
Me: So you haven’t been in a classroom in over 4 years!!
Mrs.R: Yes, I’m on disability.
NOOOO FUCKINGGGG WAY!!
Jesus hates me, he really does. There is no doubt in my mind that if he does exist. He owns a dart board with my face on it because he hates me so much. I bet he won’t even send me to hell when I die. He’ll bring me to heaven and just give me a crappy job. Like The Holy Custodian and just make me go around and clean up shit all day while all the angels laugh at me and call me names. Why else would I have a fucking teacher that doesn’t teach!
This ruins the whole fantasy. I can’t picture her in front of a chalkboard now. I only can picture her in front of a TV, sitting on her disabled ass, watching soap operas and eating cheeses puffs. This was like charity work, I would essentially be fucking a cripple person…again! This was the equivalent to wanting to fuck a lady cop but instead you got a security guard. Or instead of a super model you got a fucking hand model. This shit was not fair at all. I could not hold back the “are you fucking serious” look on my face. I imagine I probably looked similar to the first slaves that hopped of the ship in the U.S and seen 100 white men with whips and chains. With the slaves looking at each other saying “are you fucking serious”. I’m pretty sure Mrs.R notice my disappointed look as well. Because from that point on she started being really nice to me. She gave me a back message. She started talking freaky to me just like she did online. She even talked about how she always wanted to be fucked in her classroom on her desk. Although all this freaky talk was turning me on I just couldn’t shake the fact that she wasn’t currently a teacher.
So after talking for a while she just came out and ask me. In a sexy teachers voice that would have made Wesley Pipes blow his load, “So–Marcus, do you still want to earn that A?” At first I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. Then it hit me, I remember sharing the same Algebra Teacher fantasy with her that I talked about in The Teacher Quest: Ms.Booth. Ohhh shit, I’m so hard it hurts right now. I could Olympic Pole vault with my penis at this point. I’m like a nervous giddy little kid in the candy store, palms sweaty, stuttering but I manage to respond anyways “ye-yes”. At that moment she got her cane, didn’t say a word and hobbled off into her room. After about 10 minutes of sitting looking stupid twirling my thumbs she calls me to the room. I didn’t know what to expect but I knew what I wanted to see.
I wanted to see her dressed in some business casual suit, with a very short skirt, no shirt or bra on under the blazer, fish net thigh highs, and some 6 inch pumps. I began to walk back toward the room. Or more like shuffle back toward the room due to my alien like erection I had on. I step into the room and immediately I see tons of leather and chrome dominatrix type shit. Half of it I can’t even make out what it is. I can not even imagine what somebody would do with all this stuff, it was all foreign to me. It had the same effect on me as it would if Paris Hilton peered into a toolbox. Just as I was about to tell her that I wasn’t about to be one of her dom-bitches, I looked up and there she was. Dressed in some skin-tight cat woman like leather body suit. This outfit made her look like a totally different person. She was no longer chubby-thick, but only THICK. The leather had to be some, secret Harry Potter Sorceress Stone Magic Leather, because it appeared to make all her fat disappear. She stood right in front of the bed with her hands on her hips and her orthopedic cane right by her side. The cane didn’t bother me one bit. As turned on as I was, she could have fucked me with the hook part of that cane and I wouldn’t have given two shits. Her room was kinda tiny so I had to dodge weird dominatrix contraptions scattered on the floor. Not only because I was scared something would grab my ankle like a bear trap, but also because I seen something that resembled anal beads and I didn’t want any part of that. I got undressed quicker than superman when he steps into a phone booth. I typically don’t get butt ass naked when I’m with a random chick it’s just not my style, but I didn’t have not one fiber on my body. When we got into bed I had to confirm with her again that I wasn’t into that kinky dominatrix shit. After that was over the fun began.
It was just me and cat woman. I’m laying in the bed on my back when she starts to go down on me. All slow and provocative like she just stepped fresh up out of a porno. She started sucking me really slow and sexy. I normally hate slow and sexy blow jobs and prefer sloppy intense blow jobs but she had me on cloud 9. I would have paid this bitches car note right then and there if she asked me too. The whole time she is down there I am in an epic mental battle between myself and my dick. My dick wants to cum and I am trying to fight it off. I look down at her cane hoping to gain a little ground in the battle of Cum or Not To Cum. Nothing! I look down to see her on 1 knee and the other legged stretched hanging out off the bed because she couldn’t bend it enough. This was kinda funny to me so; Marcus: 1 Dick: 0. Not even a second later I look up to see her ass, tooted in the air, in all leather, at a perfect 45 degree angle, while in my peripheral vision I see her head moving up and down on my dick. SPLAT!! Marcus:1 Dick: 457. Fuck Fuck Fuck… 5 minutes into one of my all time fantasies and I have already came. I am such a loser. I don’t even deserve to have a dick. I might as well just have a vagina with an oversized clit, because I am clearly a bitch. She rolled over and laid down, put my head on her leather-covered chest. Which kinda felt like laying on somebody’s sofa, who decided to drape it in plastic coverings (ie. Like 90% of black people’s grandparents…including mines).
She coddled me for a while like a baby. She even told me she knew I was going to cum when I did. Which told me that body suit apparently gave her telekinesis, but couldn’t fix her fucked up knee. What a shitty body suit. After we laid for a while she whispered, “you still haven’t earned that A yet”. My dick shot up so quick, I could have torn a hole in the sheets and for the next hour I million man marched all up and through that cougar vagina. Yeah, it took a minute to peel that leather suit off her and I didn’t realize how much fat it was actually hiding until she was down to her birthday suit. Also there were a few limitation due to her bum knee, but after we figured that out it was all down hill from there and I loved every minute of it.
Yeah, this isn’t nearly how I pictured my teacher fantasy would play out. But I must say, I am very satisfied. It was like a teacher fantasy with sugar on top. Oh and I know what you may be thinking, “you fucked a disabled teacher that doesn’t count” “she was not even a current teacher”, and my response is: go to hell bitch! How many 8th grade disabled teachers did u fuck in high school or how many elementary teachers did you let dry hump you? None!
So…Fuck a teacher: CHECK.
Posted on July 30th, 2011 by iBlackguy | 5 Comments »The Teacher Quest: Ms.Booth
So around my final year of high school I had begun a quest. I had begun a quest to fuck a teacher! All my life that has been sort of a fantasy of mine. Right up there with, have a 3 some (MFF) and fuck a video vixen. Both of which I would probably fail horribly at and premature ejaculate before I even got my dick out of my pants. So fucking a teacher seemed much more practical. I always pictured it would happened just like in the porn movies:
[insert daydreaming cloud and pixie dust sound effect here]
I’d be the star football player of my high school. But oh no! I had a big algebra test coming up that I had to pass, in order to play in the big game Friday. But everybody knows I don’t stand a chance at passing that algebra exam. Shucks! But wait! Mrs. Jenkins my 5th period algebra teacher, who oddly has huge fake boobs, butt implants, resembles a black Pam Anderson and her daily wardrobe consist of short skirts and two sizes to small button ups, with no bra. Offers to tutor me after class. But during our tutoring session she realizes that there’s no chance I’m going to pass the exam. I’m just to stupid. HOWEVER, there is another way I could earn that much-needed A. See Mrs. Jenkins is going through a divorce and her husband hasn’t fucked her in 3 months. So if I agree to let her practice fertilizing my seeds than I can be sure I’ll get an A on that exam.
Yeah fucking right! And OJ’s innocent. Although my quest did not end like I had always pictured it, it also did not end in failure. See that year I fucked not just one teacher but two! Well sorta, but let me explain.
Read the rest of this entry »
TMI
I know you come here to read my stories. But I been kinda lazy lately, so I figure I’d make some random post in-between stories so my blog actually seems like a real blog:
Today I decided to spruce up my apartment a bit. I bought a small mirror to hang up behind my toilet to jazz up the place. I later realized this was a bad idea because when ever I go pee I see a reflection of my flaccid penis and it makes me sad. I’m taking that mirror down tomorrow.
New story coming soon!!
Posted on July 21st, 2011 by iBlackguy | No Comments »