Back in about 06-07 when I was about 17-18 after high school I was living in Detroit and working out in Romulus at the airport loading bags. Now if you’re from metro Detroit you know this is about a 30 minute drive on a good day without traffic and my 1995 Plymouth Acclaim which my roommate and brother Marvin rightfully nicknamed ‘The Taffy’ due to its box shape and powder blue color didn’t always feel up for the ride.
So when I met this 26yo lady named Vicky that only stayed 10 minutes from my work, and walking distance from my moms place I was feeling pretty lucky. Although I did meet her on the old Yahoo Messenger Chat it felt like a sure thing. And I say old Yahoo Messenger because there is no longer a section for user-created rooms anymore, these were basically custom rooms created by the users. But mostly just pedophiles, cross-dressers, rapist and perverts such as myself hung out there don’t judge me!. After talking to her for a week or so we decided to meet. She showed me pics and she was a big girl of course (surprise, surprise a chick wants to meet me off the internet and she’s fat that’s the story of my fucking life) but of course that didn’t really matter to me. It was to sweet of a deal to pass up. I could get pussy, food and crash at her place if I had to be at work early or got off to late to drive home. So her being fat was not a problem. Unfortunately during this time and pretty much my entire life even as i write this I’ve lacked real standards when it came to pussy anyhow. Sadly over half the woman I’ve ever fucked most men would be ashamed to say they even associated with. I mean at that point in my life if you didn’t have body odor, open sores or physically unable to have intercourse then you were eligible. Although this list has grown with age and knowledge it is still pretty pathetic, if you were to see some of the man-eaters I have penetrated to date.
So for our first meeting we decided to have dinner at her place, once I got off work. I was all for this considering that she was a fatty and had to know how to cook, JACKPOT! So I show up at her place around 10ish pulling into the drive way I immediately notice her tiny new model red Ford Focus leaning like a cholo to the left. Now I’m no mechanic but there is clearly a problem with the shocks/struts on the Ford Focus or Xibit pimped the fuck out of her ride and she didn’t tell me about it. So I walk up and knock on the door which was dirty as hell but that was nothing new as I had grown up walking distance from her house and most houses there are shity. So she opens the door and WHAT THE FUCK! First of all this lady is only about 5’2 MAX! and a good 300lbs She’s wearing some sort of bright red silk moo moo nighty, that could be sexy in a size small rather than the size 4X which hers had to be. Her girth was easily twice the size of me and im not a skinny dude. Out the bottom of the nighty you could see her feet painfully stuffed into ’2 sizes too small’ red high heels. She did have a really nice smell to her and I could tell she liked getting all sexied up because although she was huge she was well put together. Nice moo moo nice shoes good make up and hair. So just picture a 5ft tall 3ft wide Man-Eating Christmas Tree with a silk sheet draped over it staring at you in the door way the same way a convict would a hooker after being released from a life sentence. I was scared! But the only things going through my mind at that second was: How the hell can she get in that car?…. Wait!..Is that why the car was?…NO! …Couldn’t be!….really…Was she that damn big?… Poor Focus… I was immediately snapped out of it by her sexy ass Seductive voice. That kind that gives you that instantly horny ‘I wanna sex you between your teeth’ feeling, which didn’t match her appearance in the slightest.
Man-Eater Hey baby I’m glad you made it
Me glad I made it to (with the a wdf am I doing expression disguised horribly with a smile)
Man-Eater Come on in baby
I step in and it smells and look like what thanksgiving my be like in a whore house. There’s candles lit everywhere the lights are dim rose pedals low music and her coffee table is stacked with food, and yes the coffee table was prepared like a dinner table this bitch was serious. So we sat down started talking and eating. The food was great she made me homemade fettuccine Alfredo and I still haven’t had none better to this day. The fact that I had to fuck her of course was in the back of my mind as the fettuccine was giving my taste buds the equivalent of a blow job from super head.
So the conversation took its inevitable turn towards sex.
Man-Eater mmm boy I don’t usually like them young but you a little sexy chocolate thang!
Me Oh thanks, I’m still kinda dirty and sweaty from work though.
Man-Eater Thats ok baby mama will take care of you.
So apparently my half-hearted attempt to turn her off failed.
Man-Eater So baby what’s your fetish?
Me hmm I don’t think I have one.
Man-Eater Every body has a fetish.
Me Well I always wanted to have a 3some.
Man-Eater No baby that’s a fantasy. A fetish is something kinky that turns you on.
Me Well I don’t know then, I’ll have to think on it. What’s yours?(Mistake #1: inquiring)
Man-Eater Well I have two one is a food fetish (go figure) and the other is a breaking glass fetish.
Me A breaking glass fetish?(Mistake #2: Showing interest)
Man-Eater The sound of shattering glass turns me on sexually. To the point where I’m soaking wet about to cum.
Me Wow! Really? Thats not normal.
Man-Eater So have you ever tried food play? and if not would you?
Me never tried it but I guess I can’t knock it till I do. (Mistake# 3: commitment)
Little did I know what my mindless conversation was getting me into. I had just agreed to combine food sex and a 300lbs cougar! So she leaves for the kitchen and my mind quickly goes into survival mode what can I don’t to get out of this? Keep in mind I’m only about 17 she’s 26. I’m very shy quiet non-confrontational not a ton of experience with older woman. So my usual “Damn I forgot I gotta pick my sister up from her chemotherapy treatment” line wouldn’t work. My mind is racing and she makes it back from the kitchen with a Wal-Mart groceries bag full of goodies. At first glance I see the whip cream, strawberries, mustard (yes MUSTARD) and I’m terrified.
Man-Eater are you ready baby?
And me with my smooth player player self
Me I was born ready! (I’m such a bitch)
Fast forward 10 minutes and I’m butt-ass naked on her sofa surrounded by candles rose pedals and an ambiance that could get the virgin Mary out her panties. She opens the goodie bag and out comes whip cream, strawberries, pudding, mustard and ketchup (yes KETCHUP) I don’t know what this bitch thought I was but apparently it reassembled a ball park frank. She starts with the whip cream. Licks a little off my finger.
Me Oh that tickles
Then a little off my nipple. Hmm that doesn’t feel bad, not bad at all. So she works her way down to my ball park and goes for the ketchup. Oddly I have a hard on already due to my sensitive boy nipples. She begins to shake the ketchup out on to my dick as if it were an Oscar myere winer. Mind you she felt the need to purchase Heinz 57 IN THE GLASS BOTTLE. So she is shaking the shit out of the bottle to finally get one clump of ketchup or that lands on the tip of my dick with a cold but silent thud. She started to slurp it off it was could but quickly warmed to the temperature of her mouth. It was as bad as it sounds though the fact I was getting a blow job with ketchup it was easy to blank that part out and just focus on the solid fat girl head at hand. Because if you ever got head from a fat girl you know that the only thing more pleasurable is butt sex with a fat girl, but that’s a different story. Eventually she added more ketchup with her same retarded shaking method only this time she added a few lines of mustard to accompany it. Same texture and temperature of the ketchup only yellow. This is where things started to get bad and would only get worst and weirder from this point on. She starts to really suck me, a good nasty blow job that I really couldn’t complain about. Until I look down at my dick and see the nasty brown diarrhea looking paste that the ketchup and mustard had formed when they were united. Not only is it all over my dick balls and pelvis. It’s all over her face lips nose and she is moaning and groaning and smacking practically making love to my penis. As if she had she just found the 13th Krispie Kream hidden in the box of a dozen. Mean while I am disgusted by this sight. I am looking down at her with the most disgusted looking on my face when she ask:
Man-Eater Do you like that baby? Tell mama you like that.
Me mmm hmm (yes I’m still a bitch i know)
Man-Eater Well it’s mama’s my turn!
Before I knew it the tables had turned and she was on top of me, moo moo off, full body contact straddling me and I’m licking whip cream off her triple D titties like there’s no tomorrow. Keep in mind the ketchup mustard mixture is still all over her face and all over my lower half. After I had enough condiments and whip topping on my face to feed 3 Haitian babies she starts kissing my neck and its freezing cold. Apparently she slipped a piece of ice in her moth and started to suck on my neck. Now to be honest it felt damn good and I have used that little trick on other occasions. Next she picks up the glass of orange koolaid that she earlier fetched the ice from and begins to pour it on my chest. Im aware that this sounds like the kind of shit you would only see in a comedy movie but this is just how horrible it is to be me. At this point my body is no longer into it. I’m still giving her the occasional “uhh ahh that feels good” but my body is stiff as a board. She starts to lick slurp and suck the koolaid out of my naval and off my chest putting emphasis on my nipples. Finally she sits up and motions me back to her titties. I’m happy about this for 2 reasons one the koolaid was cold as hell and I am now sitting in a puddle of liquid and two I like sucking titties (Yes even fat girl Man-Eater titties, sue me) so things are looking up for the moment. That is until she begins to pour koolaid all down her body. Which forces me to lick slurp and suck it up. Let me explain something koolaid is one of my favorite beverages if not my favorite beverage. But you start to have a new feeling toward it once you’ve tasted it after racing down about 2ft of cellulite and whip cream its just not the same anymore. By this time I am literally and physically gagging almost throwing up down by her naval catching loads of koolaid in the mouth similar to how a kid would look outside trying to catch raindrops mid-air on a rainy day. (I wanna go home.) After gagging on the Niagara man-eaters water fall i think she gets my uncomforted. She retreats to the kitchen only to reappear with another Wal-Mart bag. (Great I guess its time for some big bitch fondue.) But in this bag there was no food fortunately. But about 20 long thin glass candle holders.
Man-Eater So did you come prepared for safe sex?
Me Ohh man condoms? I forgot.
Im pretty sure she thought I was lying when in fact I did leave the condoms out in the car and had no intentions on telling her or going to get them. Now im not against “raw dawging” it by any mean but come on, if im gonna risk a itchy dick then you gotta at least be a 7. So she sits on the couch lays back and spreads her legs way farther than you would expect a 300lbs plus lady could. Immediately i notice her very dark inner thighs from chafing. Eww! ill spare the details. She begins to masturbate aggressively.
Man-Eater Break the glass
Man-Eater The glass candle holders break them I want to hear the glass shatter
Man-Eater Just grab it and break it don’t worry about the glass.
So, I grab one of the older and, WHAM! I break it across the edge of the table it shatters glass goes everywhere and at that moment I could have sworn this bitch was gone turn green grown about 3 sizes and pile drive my ass through the table. Her intensity was that high. So I did this about 20 more times each time her getting more and more intense than she finally came (Thank god!). After she came literally 3 minutes she was in the same position she climaxed in snoring. Kid you not! 3 minutes after cumming she falls asleep in the exact spot she came in. I wait another 5 minutes thinking maybe this is her “thing” maybe she doses of after cumming and she’ll wake right back up. Nope. This bitch was out you would have thought Tyson left hooked that bitch to the temple. I planned on spending the night as I had to work in the am and it was already about 1 or 2. I was disgusted with my self. I quietly put on my clothes. Ketchup mustard whip cream and koolaid still moist on my body. Left hoped in my car and drove home once I got home I got in the shower and cleaned my self like a teenage rape victim.
Believe it or not that was not my last time seeing her. I did eventually fuck her but no food or weird shit was involved. And later I made up something about how I don’t wont to be sleeping around until I’m committed in a relationship but blowjobs were ok. She bought it and would occasionally cook for me and give me blowjobs when I was too lazy to drive home for work. We carried on for about a year or so until I moved out of Michigan and later she moved as well.Posted on April 20th, 2011 by iBlackguy | 3 Comments »