Okay, first of all let me start off by saying I am not proud of this story at all. I am very ashamed of it in fact. Not because I feel guilty, but because the lady in the story is so horrible looking and old I am ashamed to say I stuck my dick in her. If I was from an Arab nation I’m pretty sure I would be sentenced to a “Dick Stoning” until I am no longer physically able to get erect. Although, in my defense, there was some logic behind my decision to do a granny.
I figured fucking an old lady has to be just like like fucking a virgin. I figured that a lady her age couldn’t possibly find another senior citizen willing to fuck her. Therefore; her pussy had to have “snap backed” over the years and was now equally as tight as a virgins. Now that I look back, that might be the single most dumbest theory anybody in the entire world has ever come up with. Not only that, but it was so far from reality.
So, I’m doing my phone chat thing one night as usual and a lady actually hits me up first which is unusual. Given that the last time a chick hit me up first on phone chat it was a tranny that I nearly met up with, this time I proceeded with caution. The first thing I did was confirm that she was in fact a woman and had a vagina. This was all the confirmation I needed!
We talked a little while on the phone mostly about freaky sex and shit. Not to many personal details were exchanged other than our names and what side of town we lived on. When it came to revealing our age I told her how old I was, and she told me she was “older.” I didn’t want to press the issue because I didn’t want to fuck up a possibly good fuck, so I didn’t enquire for a more detailed response. After talking for a while she invited me over. Knowing that she was guaranteed to have a vagina and given my dicks addiction to warm moist environments, I was all over it.
When I arrived at her house, she stayed in a half way decent neighborhood. (This is actually an oxymoron because Detroit doesn’t have any half way decent neighborhoods, but I’m sure you get my point.) I knew this because I had circled the block a few times, because pussy usually just doesn’t fall into my lap at two am. So I had to make sure it wasn’t a set up and I wasn’t gonna get jacked as soon as I stepped out the car. Also to make sure I wasn’t on Dateline NBC’s To Catch a Predator, Senior Citizen Edition.
Once I made sure the coast was clear, I made my way up to her door. It was an old run down house, typical of Detroit. It was probably about sixty years old and hadn’t had a paint job in about thirty years. The house was so old it had grass literally growing up the side of it. I couldn’t help but think who the fuck would live in this piece of shit. Sadly, I was soon to find out.
I finally knocked and when she came to the door my dick took a nose dive and crawled so far up into my pelvic region, I could have shitted it out. This lady was so old and fragile she made Betty White look like a UFC cage fighter. She was only about five feet tall and maybe one hundred pounds, that’s being generous. She had light brown skin, and compared to her body her face was still in decent shape. I could tell she probably use to be a nice looking woman prior to menopause and all. She didn’t have many wrinkles on her face compared to her arms and legs. I guess that’s because “black don’t crack” or maybe she’s been exchanging beauty tips with Ginger Babyface I don’t know. She was wearing a pink nightie, high heels and red lip stick. Her makeup looked like it was applied by Michael J. Fox. She stood in the door way with this sassy swagger about her basically thinking she was the shit. She may have been a fox back in her day, now she was just the crazy old lady down the street that got grass growing up the side of her house.
Grams: So you gone come in or not.
Me: Um…how old are you? Grams: Look, you ain’t gonna ask me all these questions. How old do I look?
I couldn’t believe this ancient bitches attitude! I wanted to say “Old enough to have got a seat at the last Supper”. Or too damn old to be wearing that nightie. Instead I bit my tongue and just walked on in.
When I got in the house the living room was pitch black except the occasional blue flickers from the T.V. Every time it flickered I could catch a slight glimpse of the room. So on the walk to her bedroom I kept seeing sleeping bodies. A huge maybe 6’3 or 6’4 guy laying on the sofa. A lady sleeping on a love seat. Two kids stretched out across the floor and another in a chair. What the fuck was this a sleep over? As we made it to her room I had to ask: “So you running a bed and breakfast” I joked. She didn’t find it funny. “Ahh, No that’s my son and those are his wife and kids” Yup, that big 6’4 Vin Reeves looking mother fucker was her thirty something year old son. Along with his wife and three kids. FML. What did this old bitch just get me into.
From this point on all my talking is done through a very low voice or a whisper. In fear that I may wake the Brady Bunch up in the living room sleeping. At this point I am super uncomfortable and 99% sure I am not gonna fuck this lady. With her son in the next room. Then she starts talking shit to me.
Grams: So what you just gonna sit there? Cat got your tongue? You ain’t scared are you? Yeah, you look scared? Oh you wasn’t scared over the phone? I don’t think you could handle this anyways you ain’t man enough. If you can’t break my back then you can’t do shit for me.
I’m just sitting back staring at the wall thinking how much God must hate me to put me in these situations. I can’t help to think maybe God, Mosses and Jesus are all up in Heaven looking down on me placing bets to see what kind of stupid decision I’ll make next. I turn around to finally acknowledge her but she is still yapping. At that moment I noticed something. This bitch has not one tooth in her mouth! At first I was seriously sickened. Then like any man, I began to wonder the possibilities of a toothless blowjob.
Yeah, I’ll probably hate myself afterwards and have to fight back the temptation of stepping in front of a top speed Amtrak train. For that five to ten minutes of blowjob heaven, I think it would be well worth the suicidal thoughts. Her having no teeth along with my dumbass logic I mentioned before, I am now 99% sure I won’t be leaving this house with anything less that a toothless blowjob.
I cut her off in her rambling:
Me: What’s the problem.
Grams: The problem is, you a man or a mouse? (That’s not a typo. That’s just how she talks, I guess that’s how old people talk when there excited)
Me: Pretty sure this penis means I’m a man.
Gram: What penis? Ha! That little thang probably ain’t no bigger than my pinky finger. And you ain’t no man, must be a bitch that’s what’s I know if you asking me. ( Again, No Typo)
Did this one hundred year old hoe just call me a little dick bitch? Yes she did. Now to call me a bitch is fine, I’ve probably done one or two bitch things today already. Even to call my dick little is okay, because in my opinion I’m not hung like a typical black guy. But to call me both in the same sentence is just way to far. I knew she was just using reverse phycology on me but it was working. I was gonna show her what kinda bitch I was. This old hoe just wrote a check that her mouth had to cash. I had a plan for her.
Caught in the moment, I stood up and whipped out my dick. Not taking into consideration that I was totally soft. She took one look at my package and started to laugh. I looked down at my dick was the size of a crayola crayon. I forgot to mention I have an abnormally small penis when it’s not erect. Then it grows like five times it’s length when it is erected. I like to think of it as a super power. I started to play with it and it slowly grew to about half of its full length. She started to touch it and her laughs turned into curiosity.
I positioned myself so that I was standing facing the bed only about a foot away. I told her to give me a blowjob. She smacked her lips, as I would expect an 18-year-old to do, then got down on her knees right in-between me and the bed. Perfect. I could hear her bones creaking on the way down. I almost felt sorry for her, almost.
She started to blow me. Next to my run in at the massage parlor, this is the second best sensation I’ve felt on my dick. I know it sounds gross, but there is no other feeling like getting two sets of gums dragged up and down your dick simultaneously. It’s sort of ticklish at first. Then it turns to bliss. I close my eyes, palm her head with both hands at each ear and started to slowly move my hips.
Yes, I am pretty much making love to a senior citizens toothless head. All we needed was some Luther Vandross playing to complete the moment. After making love to her face for upwards of ten minutes, I didn’t lose sight of what I really had planned for her. Still holding her head, I tilted it back slightly so that it was resting on her bed. Then I proceeded to brutally fuck her mouth with my “little dick.” She started to choke and gag but I didn’t stop. She started pushing on my stomach, but I was in a zone and I kept going. I finally stopped when here MMM MMM MMM’s got to loud and I heard movement in the livingroom. Oh shit I could see it now. Her big Sasquatch sized son coming in, seeing me fucking the shit out of his elderly moms mouth. There was only two ways that story would end. Me being beat half to death, or him brutally fucking the shit out of my mouth. I wasn’t prepared for either of the two. Both Granny and I got quiet. We listened for a while then heard the toilet flush. Then moments later we heard a kind say “move over” in a sleepy voice. I’m more nervous than a drug mule at US Customs. We wait a little while longer. Then she peeks her head out the door to make sure everybody is still sleep and they are.
Grams: I’m gone fuck you up.
Me: What? What did I do?
Grams: Ain’t nobody told you to go sticking yo dick in my mouth like dat.
Me: I’m sorry I thought you liked it.
Grams: Gone head and do it again, and I’m gone show you what I like when I bite dat sucka off.
I am dying of laugher inside! She is so frustrated and offended by this. She is stumbling over all of her words to try to get her point across. What does she do when she’s done bitching at me? Drops right back down to her knees and starts sucking. She is living proof that bitches never learn. Even when there old as dirt. I put my hand on the back of her head and she immediately slaps it away. Ahhhhh fuck it I guess I’ll just enjoy the blow this time. After she was done blowing me she got up and wanted to fuck. Sure why not I already let her snaggletooth ass give me a blowjob. Therefore I’m already labeled a sick piece of shit, so why stop now? She got on the bed and prepared for me to fuck her missionary. “Nah, this ain’t gonna work” I told her. Just the thought of seeing what her ancient stomach-skin looked like under that night was enough for me. I cut off the lights and told her to turn over. So just before I get ready to mount her for doggy style I say, “little dick bitch reporting for duty.” Before She could comprehend what I said, I buried my dick in her as hard a I possibly could.
Grams: Don’t make me fuck you up.
Me: Honest mistake.
Grams: Imma show you a mistake.
I know what your thinking and the answer is no. No, her pussy felt nothing like that of a virgins. However it did feel like the pussy of a sixty year old. For those of you who are lucky enough not to know what sixty yearold pussy feels like, it’s similar to fucking a coffee mug full of warm cole slaw. Not very enjoyable, but it’s better than nothing.
Then it was time to show her what a bitch I was. I started to ram her very slow maybe one pump every three seconds, but extremely hard. I am pretty much fucking her like Ike fucked Tina in the studio on What’s Love Got To Do With It? I was using every bit of myself to pound this senior citizens vag. Not for my pleasure or hers, simply because she’s damn near one hundred and called me a little dick bitch. Every time I thrust forward she let’s out a loud yelp. This couldn’t happen, I couldn’t risk waking the brady bunch sleeping in the living room. I did what any guy fucking the shit out of a loud mouth senior would do. I covered her mouth.
Just before I was ready to cum I gathered every bit of energy I had left in me. Still holding her mouth. I gave her the twenty hardest pumps I could possibly give, just before I came. The headboard is rocking loudly against the wall. The bed was shaking aggressively. I had the same fire in my eyes as a man passing a kidney stone. I finally came. I rolled off of her and took the condom off and threw it on the floor. She was still laying on the bed face down motionless as I’m zipping my pants up. At first I thought damn did I kill her old ass? Then without even turning over she yells, “YOU STILL AIN’T SHIT.” She is lucky I was a Christian at the time, because if I wasn’t I would have certainly jumped on the bed and put that bitch in a figure-four leg-lock until I heard her back crack! Instead I just made my way out as quickly as I could. I was for sure somebody would have woken up but to my surprise the Brady’s are still sound asleep. I tip toed back to the front door, opened it as quietly as I possibly could. Then slammed it so loud, I’m sure you could have heard it a block away.Posted on November 3rd, 2011 by iBlackguy | 1 Comment »