After starting iBlackguy.com, I began to get a lot more twitter followers. I wasn’t ever really into twitter too much because I thought it was rather pointless. I couldn’t figure out what the fuck a hashtag or a retweet was for the life of me. So I shelved my twitter account and said fuck it. That is until I realized how lucrative twitter was as a marketing tool to drive readers to my site. So obviously I eventually became a twitter whore. It was a way to broadcast my dysfunctional views and thoughts out to the world. At the same time it created a bit of a buzz for my site, so twitter became my best friend.
I would get a few tweets here and there from people who read my blog and they either loved or hated it. Mostly the tweets were from people who loved it though. Except for a small percentage of fat ugly boogerwolf bitches that thought I was a scumbag for exploiting woman and thinking the way that I do. However I really didn’t care, it’s not my fault you’re fat and ugly and will probably kill yourself before you reach 30. That’s something you have to take up with God.
Anyways, every so often I would get responses from chicks. Chicks that were really interested in me and my blog. Most of the time we’d chat for a while and/until I’d say something disrespectful or stupid and they would unfollow me and never talk to me again. I’m not exactly sure what they expected from me or why they would be interested in a lost would like me huh?, but hey woman do stupider shit all the time so I’m really not too surprised.
After my twitter and site had been up and rolling for a while I was approached by a follower on twitter. We’ll just call her Lucy. Lucy was a white chick from Kansas City, Missouri. She was slightly overweight, 24 (I think), blonde hair, not great looking but not horribly ugly. She had huge tits and a really cool personality. I would ask her to send me nudes and get on Skype and strip for me and other random shit to turn me on. Like a trusted white friend she did whatever I asked. She even owned a big black dildo that she would sodomize on webcam for my pleasure. She would do all this even though she had a full-time boyfriend. Yup, I guess the Clark Bar is just too irresistible.
She eventually invited me out for the weekend to visit. I told her the only way I would come out there is if she does 3 things:
Buy all my alcohol for the weekend
Buy all my food for the weekend
And let me fuck her in the ass
She agreed to all three and I was on my way to KC.
The flight was direct from Charlotte and I upgraded to first class because I had full intentions of getting wasted before I arrived. By the time I landed in KC I was about 5 beers and 2 mix drinks into my drunkenness. I remember giving the flight attendants multiple high fives during the flight. I’m still not sure why they didn’t cut me off, but I didn’t complain.
She was waiting out curbside for me in some bright orange gay ass Honda with a hatch back, I believe. Had I known she had such an ugly stupid car, I probably wouldn’t have showed up but it was too late for that. She was really surprised to see me. She didn’t believe I was really coming. She thought I was playing a joke on her and wasn’t actually on the plane. I can be a dick at times but even I wouldn’t do something that fucked up. Besides–if you know anything about black men you know we love free drinks, we love free food and we love taking advantage of white women. So there was no way I was passing this opportunity up.
I got into her car and immediately plugged in my iPhone and started blasting DMX. When she opened her truck I noticed she had a subwoofer in the back so blasted it to the max. I told her to pick up beer on her way to the airport so I wouldn’t lose my airplane buzz on the 30 minute trip back to her condo.
So here I am; half way across the country in some random white girls car that I met on twitter (by the way she is a WHITE WHITE girl. The kind that doesn’t date black guys and all and whose father may have a heart attack if he as much as sees her holding a black guy’s hand); with DMX turned up as loud as it will go; my seat reclined; pounding too Bud Lights at the same I’d add “damn” time. A recipe for disaster.
When we get to her condo it is actually pretty fucking nice. It was in a great location right in the heart of downtown. When we got in I raided her fridge for more beer and kicked backed and relaxed like I lived there. We chatted a bit while we waited for her friends to show up. The plan was for all of us to go get food then head out to a bar.
Her friend Nicky and her boyfriend Sean showed up and of course the friend was much hotter than Lucy. I was a little disappointed for a while but this was nothing a little more beer wouldn’t fix. The friend was slim, nice tits, nice ass, about 28 and she had this whole white girl swagger thing going on. She was one of those white girls that you look at and can immediately tell that she’s eaten a few black dicks in her day. I love these kind of white chicks.
To describe Sean, the first word that comes to mind is pathetic. He was black, about 5’10 and 110lbs. Very skinny like unhealthy type skinny. He was a quiet, diabetic retard. And I know you’re thinking oh that’s so __?__ man why would you say that. But it’s true, he might have said 50 words the whole night. He was really a diabetic and he was retarded enough that the government sent him a disability check every month and you could tell from the way he spoke. Half the time I couldn’t even make out what he was saying thanks to his retarded quiet-monotoned voice. I would rather play Scrabble with Helen Keller than spend another night with this guy.
At this point my buzz is dying down as we head out for food. We arrive at some gay Sushi place which I hate. I hate everything about Sushi. I hate how it tastes, hate how it looks, hate how it smells, hate the type of people who love eating it, hate the type of places it’s served in….I think you get my point. So I felt like this was the perfect time to order more drinks on Lucy’s tab. I ordered a couple long islands and it was all down hill from there.
I started blatantly hitting on Nicky right in front of Lucy and Sean. Lucy thought it was funny because she thought I was kidding. Sean was too much of a fucking dumbass to realize I was trying to fuck his girlfriend right in front of him. I probably could have finger fucked her right on the sushi bar and told him I was giving her a prostate exam and he wouldn’t have known the difference. I was getting nowhere with Nicki. Now that I look back I think I repulsed her. I mean I was drunk and pretty disrespectful to all of them the entire night.
After bitch ass sushi they decided to take me to the most hood/ghetto club in KC. I guess they felt like Sean and I would feel right at home surrounded by other black people. This wasn’t true at all. When I go out I rarely go out to 100% black places for many reasons. But I have to say the main reason is because white girls are much easier to pick up than black girls. Black women think they’re god’s gift to earth. But I got news for you bitches. Black, white, brown — all of your vaginas look alike on the inside, and all of your mouths are moist and warm.
At the club Lucy held up her end of the deal by buying all of my drinks. At one point she got tired of taking me up to the bar and just started giving me her card. This was not a very wise decision on her part. You don’t give a drunk black man your card at a bar and expect him to act responsibly. The first couple times I went up to the bar, got me a drink, and returned her card in a timely manner. Then I began to stay gone longer and not only was I buying myself shots of Grey Goose and Patron, I was buying drinks for Sean forcing him to drink them in hopes of him loosening up. Then it progressed. Not only was I buying drinks for me and Sean I started buying drinks for random chicks at the bar. That’s until Lucy walked up behind me while I was in the act. Card revoked.
Shortly after that we were all ready to go. We headed out on our way back to the Condo. When we got in the car I plugged in my phone as I had been doing before turned on some Lil Wayne, and started blasting until the volume was maxed out. Lucy kept trying to turn it down but I kept turning it up. Then soon after BOOM! I blew her subwoofer up. Oops. Typically I’m more respectful of other peoples shit. Maybe it was the alcohol but for some reason I just didn’t give a shit. So we rode the rest of the way in silence.
We arrived back at the condo and I did my best to pursue a threesome with both chicks but it wasn’t gonna happen. Nicky and Sean left shortly after so it was just me and Lucy.
Me: Go get in the shower.
Me: Because I am about to go where no man has gone before and I don’t wanna get poop on my dick in the process.
Lucy: You know I’ve had anal before right?
Me: Not like I am going to give it to you. Now go!
She ran off to the shower and I’m pretty sure I fell asleep until I felt her get into bed.
She started giving me a blow job that wasn’t amazing, but I could tell she knew her way around a penis. Bored with that, I told her to lick my balls. Bored with that I told her to move on to the gooch. After 5 minutes of working on my gooch this bitch now has her face buried into my ass tounging down my asshole like it’s the last supper. It was like she was competing in a pie eating contest. A chocolate pie eating contest. I have my legs in the air toes curled up like I’m a one-year-old about to get my diaper changed. I could have came right then and there on top of her head but there was other business to be handled.
I turned her over and headed straight for her ass. This is when she informed me that it had been over a year since she had done any anal, which basically made her an anal virgin again. So being the gentleman that I am, I gave her a few mini courtesy strokes before I got balls deep in her rectum. I fucked her so hard and long in her ass that at one point I forgot I was actually in her ass. I showed her asshole no mercy. If only Martin Luther King Jr. could see how I was pounding this white girl’s asshole he might have shed a tear seeing how far his dream has come.
The next morning I awakened to an empty bed. The way she whined as I pounded her ass I thought she may have took herself to the ER. I searched around the condo until I found her asleep on the sofa. I thought it would be cute to wake her up by tapping my dick on her forehead, however she didn’t think so when she woke up pissed off. I asked her why she went and slept on the couch and she said because I tried to cuddle with her too much in the bed. Yeah so what, I like to cuddle even if it is with random whores from twitter.
We got dressed and went to go grab some food. While we were eating she got a frantic phone call from Nicky. Apparently all those mixed drinks and shots that I forced Sean to drink sent his sugar sky high and damn near into a diabetic coma. She had to take him to the ER in the morning and it wasn’t looking good. I decided I caused enough trouble and I should just go. So after we ate I had her drop me off at the airport and she never invited me to KC again.
Posted on June 12th, 2012 by iBlackguy | 6 Comments »