Room Service In Little Rock

Fucking a chick at her workplace has always been a pretty big fantasy of mine. Ever since I was about 15 I can remember going to the doctor and fantasizing about the nurse showing up in some hoe-ish trashy, slutty nursing uniform complete with hat and stilettos and having her way with my little 15-year-old penis. Or going into the principal’s office and being disciplined with a long, hot, steamy blow job session. The sad part is I really thought shit like this could happen to me. I thought it was all just a matter of time until I got pulled over by a hot lady cop and she gave me the ultimatum to either fuck her right there on the side of the car or go to jail. I guess this is just what hours of nonstop porn does to a young mind. Although it took me until I was 25 and things didn’t happen quite like I pictured they would when I was 15, but it did finally happen and it was well worth writing about.

While working at my current job (don’t ask me what it is) I had the opportunity to travel around the entire country. I’m probably one of very few people that has spent the night in just about every state – other than the really gay ones like Montana, Vermont and both Dakotas. I call those the gay states not because they have a thriving gay population, but because I hardly remember that they are even states half the time.

Anyways, one week my job had sent me to Little Rock, Arkansas for three days. I wasn’t particularly happy when I saw this on my schedule. I mean, who wants to go to Arkansas? The first thing that popped into my mind was “damn, I’m going to the inbred capital of the world”. All I could think about was toothless hillbillies and John Deer trucker hats. This wasn’t gonna be fun. I thought that I would probably have a better chance catching Swine Flu then I would actually having fun, let alone getting laid in this hick town, but I had to make the best of it.

I arrived in Arkansas on Friday morning. Caught the shuttle to the hotel, which was actually a pretty nice hotel compared to the roach infested shit holes I am usually forced to stay in. It was a Laquinta right in the heart of downtown. I didn’t have to work until the next morning so I began my usual traveling regime:(In no particular order) food, gym, alcohol, get laid (or at least try) and sleep .

I went down to the gym and did a thirty-minute workout, which basically consisted of me laying on the bench press watching CNN. Then I walked to the gas station, got a 12 pack of Miller Light. I then stopped at McDonalds and ate two Double Cheese Burgers with no pickles and no onions, and a McChicken with cheese and no lettuce. (I got a thing against vegetables that “crunch” when you bite into them….seriously) I cracked open one of my beers to have with my burgers, and about half way through my beer I was approached by the McDonalds manager who told me that I was not allowed to drink in the lobby. I asked why and she stated that the other guests were upset because I was drinking in front of children. Yeah God forbid I offend someone in such a classy establishment like McFuckingdonalds! But being the gentleman I am, I went and purchased a large drink, I poured my remaining half of beer as well as a full beer into the cup, stuck a straw in it and sucked it down as if it was Coke. Check Mate Bitches!

After getting the stink-eye for the next thirty minutes from the manager as well as the family sitting across from me, I felt like it was time for me to depart. I took my beer, walked back to the hotel and jumped on craigslist and other various hook-up sites to look for potential pussy. After about an hour and ten beers of prowling around online, I got bored and my appetite for sex had grown dramatically. I only really had two options, get a hooker and stiff her on the bill because I was broke, in which case her pimp would show up and beat my ass. Or, go out and find me some redneck Arkansas pussy in downtown Arkansas. I went with option B.

Heavily buzzed from the 12 pack of Miller, I got dressed and made my way down stairs. I started walking down the street further into downtown and I was shocked. To my surprise, downtown Little Rock, Arkansas on a Friday night looked like the Million Man March collided with the Martin Luther King Jr. Day Parade. I don’t remember spotting not one white person. I don’t even remember spotting one black person for that matter, it was all just Niggas and Niggets. For those of you who don’t know the difference between Black People and Niggas, I’ll explain. See, a Black person will break into your house, take everything you own and you’ll never see them or your stuff again. A Nigga, on the other hand, will break into your house take everything you own and try and sell it back to you three days later like it never happened.

Now me, I’m just a regular old black guy, hints the name iBlackguy. However I do know how to handle myself around all types of Niggas being from Detroit and all. Hood Niggas, Sneaky Niggas, Broke Niggas and Rich Niggas. All I’m pretty much familiar with. However in Little Rock, I was exposed to a new kinda Nigga, The Country Nigga. The Chevy on 24′s driving, gold tooth havin’, jeans saggin’, extra blue-black ass Country Niggas. I swear every single one of those motherfuckers looked like Lil’ Boosie.

I have no idea what was going on that night but it was easily 200-300 Niggas hanging out on each side of the street just chillin. Then hear comes my drunk ass stumbling down the street, in my Levi’s, Polo and Sperry’s. Saying “hi” to everybody I passed, partly because I was drunk and partly because I wanted to be polite. I wasn’t even sure I would make it through without being robbed or punched, but I was horny so kept on trucking.

Eventually I made it to a bar, and just as I suspected, it was full of Country Niggas. At first I was getting dirty looks by all the Niggas and Niggets. Then after I got a few beers in me I found myself at a table full of Country Niggas and Hoodrats telling them the “For the Love Of Tacos” story and them crying their eyes out in laughter. I told them I was trying to get laid and they were more than willing to help. I was too drunk to remember exactly what happened next. Though I do remember them driving me around downtown Little Rock, trying to hook me up with various random woman and all of them declining to sleep with me. (Stuck up bitches) I also remember telling them I had to throw up and them pulling over at my hotel.

The next thing I remember was waking up on the bench right outside the Laquinta main entrance. It was about 3am at this time. I’m not sure exactly how long I had been on this bench, or why hotel security even let me stay on the bench, but when I woke up I was still very intoxicated and horny.

I try and head into the hotel but the doors are locked. I look for my room key to open up the doors and it isn’t there. I grab my back pocket hoping to feel my wallet, it’s not there either. Awww shit these Country Niggas robbed me! I knock on the doors until the lady at the front desk lets me in. I had no room key no wallet and no ID, it was going to be hell trying to get back into my room. I have locked myself out of hotel rooms plenty of times and most hotels require a least a photo ID to regain access. So I had to come up with a plan.

I started flirting with the front desk clerk, in hopes that she will forget to ID me and just give me a new key to my room. I told her how cute she was. She showed me pictures of her kids, I told her how cute they were. I told her that her hair was pretty. Ect ect.

I wish I could tell you if any of this was actually true. I still really have no recollection of what she looked liked, other than the fact that she was brown-skinned, slightly overweight and somewhere between 35 and 40. It’s probably best I don’t remember if she was cute or not because just my luck she probably looked like a gargoyle. Anyhow, she was eating all the compliments up.

Then I finally went for it. I asked her for another key to room 1213. After a long pause and suspicious look she started typing on her computer. She asked me my last name to confirm that it was in fact my room, then handed me the key. Whew a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders. On my way up the elevator I was already planning the masturbation marathon I was gonna partake in once I was safely in my room. As I opened up the paper jacket that was holding my key I noticed some writing on the inside.

It read:

Marcus…At 4:30am call the front desk and ask for extra towels.
                                                                                            -Lydia

Being that I was still pretty drunk, I really didn’t know what to make of it but I thought what the hell, this can’t hurt. I started taking my clothes off getting ready to shower, when I noticed my wallet and room key were stuffed in my fucking sock the whole time. Apparently I was trying to think ahead of all the Country Niggas and at some point during the night I hid all of my shit in my sock just in case I got jacked or something. I never felt more smart and stupid at the same time in my life.

When I got out the shower it was just about 4:30 so I made the call to the front desk. A guy answered the phone and I did just as the note said and asked for some extra towels in room 1213 and hung up. At this point I’m sitting on my bed in my boxers waiting for a guy to bring me some towels that I don’t even need. There’s a knock on the door, I open it up and in walks Lydia with a handful of towels.

Lydia: Take me!

Me: Take you where?

Lydia: Fuck me!

Me:…..What the fuck…..

Lydia: Look, they think I am only bringing you towels so it will have to be quick.

Me:…..

I am still standing at the door dumbfounded. I really didn’t even know what to make of it, until she dropped her pants, then panties and bent over my bed waiting for me to come and fuck her. “HURRY” she whispered. I hesitated for a second but before I knew it, I was ass-cheeks deep in desk clerk’s vagina, fucking her fast and furiously. I fucked her like a jackrabbit until I came, about four minutes after I had begun. It has always been a fantasy of mine to have sex with a hotel cleaning lady and even though she wasn’t the cleaning lady, this definitely filled that void. So I’m surprised I even lasted four minutes. When I was done she didn’t go to the bathroom and clean up, or small talk with me afterwards. She simply pulled up her pants and panties, said thank you and walked out. I couldn’t help but to think what a fucking whore.

Posted on July 2nd, 2012 by | No Comments »