The Roommates

So every guy has found himself in a position where he’s dating/trying to fuck a chick. Everything is going great until he meets her best friend, roommate, or maybe even her mom, and they turn out to be way hotter than the girl there actually involved with. It’s a fucked up situation but it happens. I’m sure 99% of those guys have thought, hmmm… maybe I can get a 3 some out of this. Or hmmm… maybe I can pull of the old switch-a-roe. Then they quickly snap out of it and realize that both scenarios are damn near impossible. Now this would be the logical thing to do, but I’m Marcus and I don’t think logically. I think with 1/4 of my brain and 3/4 of my dick.

So the girl from another one of my stories (The Miranda Chronicles) introduced me to one of her friends. She was a dorky white girl, not attractive at all besides the fact that she has a vagina, she was really into me but a bit of a bore, so I wasn’t that impressed by her. Not that her looks really mattered to me much because I would have fucked her if she was a paraplegic.

However, she didn’t seem that willing to give up the pussy right away, so I was really bored with her. She hung out a couple of times at my place along with a group of friends and still showed me the same disinterest in fucking me as she did before. After while are relationship basically consisted of me getting drunk, calling her up, forcing her to come over, her denying me and me hanging up on her. But all this change when she moved out her parents house and into her own apartment along with her best friend. So one night when I called her up and demanded her to come over she denied me, as usual. But just before I started to curse her out in my drunken rage, she invited me over her place. This was way better than her coming to my place because she was young dumb and white and young dumb white girls love rude disrespectful black guys for some reason. So this meant I could go to her place and treat it like shit. She asked me to bring a friend along for her roommate, so I bought the only white guy I knew at the time, my boy Dustin. Which turned out to be not such a great idea.

There apartment was pretty shitty. I mean it was a nice location, but they just had really shitty stuff in it. Some old as dingy sofa. An old ass 32 inch tv sitting on the floor. A PlayStation 1. I mean, I know this was their first apartment but damn, hoes need to upgrade! Dustin was pissed as soon as we got in the door and he saw the dorky red-headed treasure troll, in jogging pants and a hoodie, that he would be entertaining for the night.

Dustin is like the total opposite of me. He cares about catching STD’s; He has reasonable standards; Even though he rarely gets laid, he’s perfectly fine with it, as long as when he does get laid the chick is hot; And you couldn’t pay him to fuck a fat girl. So you can imagine how the night went. Red-head was totally willing and ready to fuck him, but he wanted nothing to do with her. On the other hand Dorky girl was trying to play hard to get and wanted to move slow and blah blah blah some other girly bullshit that meant I wasn’t going to get laid. After about an hour Dustin had only said literally about 10 words the whole time so I knew it was time to go.

When we left the apartment, I figured that was the last time I’d see them again. I could have gotten Dorky girl to eventually fuck, but who knows how long that would have taken. Then I got this crazy idea in my head. I was going to try to do the unthinkable. Something that no man in his right mind would even waste his time attempting. Something that was so rare, no man short of 6 pack abs and a foot long dick would dare try (no homo). I was going to try switch-a-roe!! I ran this by Dustin and he immediately brought me back to reality:

Me: Nigga (yes I even call white people Nigga) Nigga I’m gonna do it.

Dust: Do what?

Me: I’m gonna do the Switch-A-Roe.

Dust: Dude what are you talking about.

Me: I’m going to switch girls. I’m gonna fuck the roommate.

And this was Dustin’s response:

Dust: Eww, why? Dude you would fuck her? Are u fucking serious you would fuck that fat bitch. Your disgusting.

Me: She had big titties though.

Dust: Dude I couldn’t fuck her if my mom’s life depended on it.

This is not the reaction I expected. I thought he was going tell me how awesome and honorable I was for attempting the unthinkable. And how prestigious this would make me and pretty much go on praising me for the next hour. Instead, for the entire ride home he basically told me how worthless I was and how I would fuck anything that moved. Then I thought about Dustin’s words, and he was right. I would fuck anything that moved. His words also made me realize that this “switch-a-roe” was not going to be as epic as I thought. I mean, I was trading a dorky unattractive dick tease, for a dorky fat treasure troll. That was not an achievement at all, it was actually kinda pathetic. Dustin’s words made me realize that pulling this off wouldn’t make me more awesome, but instead would make me more of a loser. But do you think that stopped Marcus? FUCK NO! I was gonna bang the red out that treasure trolls hair no matter what Dustin said, fag!

So I set my plan in motion. I called up dorky chick and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Yeah, so Dustin was really into your friend.

Dorky Chick: No way he barely said 2 words to her.

Me: Yeah, I know he’s just kinda shy around woman especially on the first meet.

DC: I thought he was just being an asshole.

Me: No, in fact he asked me to get her number from you so he could text her.

DC: Ahh.. Well I can’t give her number out, but I can take his.

Fuck, this ruined the whole plan. I was just supposed to cleanly intercept the number and start texting her myself. Now I had to get Dustin involved, knowing how he feels about fat girls. So I gave his number to her. Dustin was pissed that a fat girl had his number. Why? Who fucking knows. But he was upset. But he eventually got over it and I eventually got the number. I started texting her and I decided to take a unique approach of honesty and lying. I was honest when telling her that I was more interested in her, than her roommate. But I lied my ass off when I told her she was hot, and I didn’t just wanna hit it and she had a cool personality. Apparently she felt the same way. Great!, I was now rounding second base in this game of switch-a-roe. After our talk we then together we devised another plan: We would all hang out again but, Dustin “wouldn’t be able to make it” in which case I’d have to bring my black friend, who would then make dorky girl fall in love with him, making her forget about me, so than I would be free to fuck the treasure troll.

Genius! We set the plan in motion and I was confident it would be a successful night. I introduced my friend Ray to the dorks and both parties were pleased. Ray was actually very satisfied because like myself Ray only sees a pussy talking to him and not a troll. Unlike Dustin with his stupid standards, morals, and self respect he sees an actual human. We started to talk and joke to loosen them up and things were going well. Both Ray and I had much experience dealing with white girls. It almost looked as if Ray was even gonna laid. I am now safe! at third base. Then I made my move. I asked if I could talk to Redhead in private in her bedroom. I could feel the tension in the room as Dorky Chick glared at us both, Then Redhead got up an followed me into the room. I’m on my way to home plate!.

I had Redhead troll alone. Ray had Dorky Unattractive Chick alone and I was sure she would fuck him just out of spite. If not ray wasn’t an amateur especially when it came to young dumb white girls, so things were looking up. Five seconds after Redhead and I walked in the room, she had me on the floor gobbling down my dick.(Yes on the floor, this poor bitch had no bed) You would have thought my shit was a pork tenderloin the way she was going at it. Not the best blow job I ever had, but she was in the game and she was willing to learn. So I strapped on my condom and started hitting it missionary, I just slid into home plate!!! I AM THE FUCKIN’ MAN! Nothing was too special just typical fat white girl pussy. Not dry but not super wet, but much tighter than I expected. I turned her over and started hitting it from the back. Rug burns all on my fucking knees but I didn’t give a fuck, I was in some pussy. Just as I start to hit it good Ray beats on the door:

Ray: Bro open the door.

Me: No, Nigga go away.

Ray: Dorky Chick is in the bathroom throwing up and there’s some Nigga name Charles sitting on the sofa.

Me to Redhead: What the fuck who is Charles?

RH: That’s Dorky chicks ex boyfriend.

Ray: Are you gonna let me in or not?

I yelled at Ray to come on in.

[pause] So here I am, fucking the shit out of this dorky red-headed troll; while my friend is watching; meanwhile her attention seeking roommate is in the bathroom throwing up cheap beer; as her ex boyfriend shows up to pay her a visit. [unpause]

So as I’m fucking this bitch while Ray looks on, I do what any good friend would do. I asked him if he wanted to join. Before I could even finish that sentence she was sucking him off while I hit it from the back. Apparently the 3rd base coach waved Ray into home plate too. Man “I heart white girls”. I bust my nut, got cleaned up and went out to the living room and started talking to the Charles guy. He was young and frail probably only 18 so he wasn’t a threat. We talked until Ray was done committing treasure troll suicide. Then we mocked the dorky dumb-bitch for a while in front of her ex until we got bored and left.

This was my only sexual encounter with these two dorky bitches. Unlike Ray who practically moved into their apartment and nearly made Redhead his fucking girlfriend. I remember calling her up one horny night and asking for a blow job and she said no because Ray would be pissed. Silly bitch, you are aware that Ray has seen you with my penis in your mouth, right? Anyways, I stop dealing with her after that. As for Ray and Dustin we haven’t spoken in a while due to us living in different states. But last I heard Ray was still hitting all time lows in the pussy department just like I was. However as my standards have climbed a bit over the years, I think his have sunk. Sunk to the point where we are almost the same. That’s unfortunate for Ray. Dustin also as lowered his standards dramatically, but would still need a second life to accomplish even half the terrible things that I’ve done.

Posted on June 22nd, 2011 by | No Comments »